inside the mind of westopher

i find it getting harder and harder everyday, sometimes i dont know who i am anymore when i look into the mirror. i feel as if ive lost my way and ill never be able to find it again. so much as happened in the past couple months and i still have trouble dealing with the gulit and pain of a second engagment failing. i sometimes feel as if im a failure because that seems to be the only thing im good at anymore. i always manage to find away to take things i love and either push them away or tear them down until there is nothing left. im try so hard to move forward and stay positive but it seems as if i cant, as if something keeps draging me back to the heartaches and pain. sometimes i just want to get into my truck and just drive and never look back, bu then again that would be just a form of running from my problems. ie also thought about just ending it all and taking the easy way out, but that would be one of the most selfish things i could ever do, and i would hurt so many people. i hate this constant depression i have, it keeps throwing all of my mistakes in my face and reminds me of how much ive lost and pushed away. im scared, im scared to death of how that i might be alone for the rest of my life, that if i dnt change ill never find my place in this world…